Sunday, November 25, 2012

Women’s KPI

Women in general and moms in particular are born with a KPI wired into them. The KPI simply put is – “Feed Men”. So sons, nephews, husbands, uncles and every other relation get fed till they burst at their seams. When we were poor and food was scarce, I am sure this was a nice survival strategy. So men were fed a lot when there was abundance of food so that they could go hunt and bring more food for the family. Or if the men were farmers they would go toil hard in the sun so that they had a good crop – to feed their families.

Nowadays with the abundance of food (at least in the supermarkets), this KPI no longer makes sense. However someone has to still rewire the women. Men no longer toil. I mean the last time a man like me toiled was when I changed my car tire! And that was like more than a year ago! The average guy who “toils” in front of his computer for like 10-12 hours a day should not only be starved, but women should make them run around at home so that they at least burn a few calories.

Feeding men with abundance of good food not only makes them fat, but also makes them unhealthy. I know this post sounds a bit like stereotyping women. Well, in my experience – I have never fed someone “a lot” however good food I made or bought. For men, its like – this is food – this is the plate – you want, you eat, else I put in my refrigerator and eat that same stuff for the next one week. No love KPI here.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Waste Size

I never bought a pair of Levi’s jeans. Not because they are expensive (yeah, by my standards they are!) but simply because the label above the back pocket prominently displays not only the length of my legs, but also the size of my waist.

Levi Strauss Label

No man my size in the right frame of his mind will ever want to show off his waist size! I mean 135 years ago may be, men thought discussing about their waist size was cool. I can imagine old saloons, in which a macho man would walk in and announce his waist size and the bartender would give him a seat and all. But these days, the only thing I might proudly announce is the memory size of my smartphone. And announcing that too wont get me anywhere.

Brad Pitt Levi’s Commercial - 1991

It’s one thing to be Brad Pitt and flaunting your well toned abs in a Levi’s 501. But its totally uncool to be Girish and showing off your waist size while you desperately try to suck your breathe in so that your stomach doesn’t rollover the top of the jeans and fold them awkwardly.

Anyway, I think I waited enough for Levi’s to change their labelling. They are sticking to their tradition. I got one today, and I am gonna strategically cover my butt with a t-shirt so that you can’t see my size. I might pretend to be cool and all, but now you know why I don't tuck in.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012


If there is one life skill that I seriously lack is – bargaining. Well, not that I am very good at other skills, but I have always got the raw end of a price negotiation whether I am a buyer or a seller.

This one time, when I tried to get rid of my furniture while moving countries, I not only gave away my almost new and absolutely well maintained table for peanuts, but also the new owner made me ship (drive) it to his place. And then each time I try bargaining the only discount that I have ever gotten is – pennies. Its generally so  bad, that I might have as well not bargained to save face.

Anyway, over the years I have become increasingly weary of bargaining so much so that, I just plain avoid places where I might have to get into a verbal tussle and haggle on price. However yesterday I was caught in an unfortunate situation where the only option I had was to bargain and buy a product.

In my quest to live a healthier life, there is this vest that I have been eyeing for a while. Yesterday I happened to see it being sold at a Tradeshow. The difficult bit was – it was being sold by a Chinese lady.

Russell Peters–Indians vs Chinese

However hard I try, I can’t hide my looks and my accent. So boldly I approached her and asked for the price. Having had a very nice conversation with a Chinese lady before, I was sure I could pull this bargain off.

Now, I have heard from other seasoned shoppers that the trick to bargaining is to stick to your base and not be perturbed by any antics that the seller pulls off on you. To compensate for our ridiculous accents and our inability to understand each other, she pulled out a calculator and started typing numbers to indicate the offer price. Then I took over and I gave my number. This went on for a while and I could see that she was visually very upset. Finally after what seemed eternity, I successfully managed to get the price down by 10%. Imagine 10 whole percentage points! I was very happy and walked away grinning with my prized vest.

Today I wore it to the office. One of my colleagues asked me the price I got it for. Then he showed me a website which lists its original price. I am never ever gonna ever bargain again.